StarSophi

2018 has left us for 2 weeks already, with a lot of memories we desire to embrace and others to just be locked deeply in our chests.

To me, things are always the same as I already lost the motivation of the new years resolutions or wishes to start as well as projects long ago since I let life to give me the responses to those alone instead of forcing anything on my own life.

Last year and the end of 2017 made me learn and realize a lot of things through intense pain. I lost 2 family members that were absolutely dear to me, had serious car accidents where I thought that my life could change drastically and had fake people who tried to prejudice me badly. I required lot of patience from people around me and some, fortunately, attended to me and gave me the shoulder I was wishing to have to cry on. My psychological state trembled, got worst and had many times negative thoughts of disappearing from this place. I even yelled at those who didn't deserved it because I suffer alone and in silence, yet they still noticed and have stayed with me either way, trying harder for my sake which I'm grateful for.

I had many moments where I asked if living was worth it, thinking many times on giving up on drawing, if what I was doing was correct, I doubted myself many times as well as my capacity of understanding my surroundings, and even though I don't regret any options I took, I thought many times that I didn't have a place for me in this world.

However, I can't say 2018 was entirely bad, I got new opportunities, new friends, new adventures and surprises. Some people surprised me positively where I noticed they love me the way I am and accepted my flaws as any human being has, showing and telling me that I'm important as well as helping me to have more confidence in myself. I'm actually happy that many friends and family knows how I really am and want to be by my side either way in which opened my mind to finally discover that: "The more important thing in life is our bounds with family and those who can understand us deeply as well as those are willing to sacrifice for us".

In a resumed way, I matured myself a bit more even though I keep being the same stupid kind person who gives her heart to everyone. However, I don't regret being a good person even though I know I'll suffer a lot for being this way as well as now I'm more aware of what kind of society and people are nowadays toward others.

2018 will be marked in negativity but I won't wish any special hopes for this new year because hope and faith don't exist in this world. You're the only one who build your own luck because life is cruel, people are mindly corrupted, cold, damagingly selfish, majority of weak trust, egocentric, etc. In the end we're alone here to only live one day at a time (as cliché as it may seem) with no high dreams or hopes on a future. Living day by day doing everything we can for us and those we love is the best option, not getting obsessed with fame, infinite projects, money or leaving things to the next day. Show them you love them, that you need them, that you care for them. Make yourself and your beloved ones happy everyday, surprise them and surprise yourself! Just be humble and work only on finding happiness which is the only reason I fight at the moment to live.